Author: NotAllThatFunny
Give me puns for my guns
Keep me joking
Give me puns for my guns, I pray
Give me puns for my guns
Keep me joking
Keep me joking to the break of day
I expected that my chimney would be free because it was on the house, but actually, it was through the roof.
Not all of your body dies at the same time
Your eyes are the last to go. You see, your pupils die late.
Q. What does a sprinter eat before a race?
A. Nothing. They fast.
Q. What do you say if you bump into a unicorn at a party?
A. Ouch
Q. What is red and bad for your teeth?
A. A brick
I’ve always wanted to convert this lighthouse into a modern home
Unfortunately, the project has been on and off again for years.
Some dad jokes I found on YouTube
Eggs
Here is an egg joke for Open Mentions that my smart home device just told me:
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? Because if they do, they crack each other up.
New laptop
This Christmas, I got a new laptop for my boyfriend.
All things considered, that was a pretty good trade.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst
Rumors of a food shortage at last year’s spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s okay because I can stop at any time.
Toes
Q. What has five toes and isn’t your foot?
A. My foot.
Did you hear about the women who retired after working all her life at the same post office?
She asked people to letter be.
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
It’s too far to walk.
The UK army does not accept applicants aged six and under
Make a fire for a man and he will be warm for the night
Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life
You must be over 2 years of age to drive a car
I have never, ever, lost a fight with Jackie Chan
(because I have never had a fight with him)