I have never lost a fight with a tiger
I’ve been alive for over three days
Help yourself to these dead batteries – no charge
Q. What is the fastest type of cake?
A. Scone
Give me puns for my guns
Keep me joking
Give me puns for my guns, I pray
Give me puns for my guns
Keep me joking
Keep me joking to the break of day
This dad joke
Pirates make great singers because they love to hit the high Cs.
World War 2 ended more than six years ago
I took the shell off of my racing snail to make it go faster but it just became a little sluggish.
The army’s enlisted men helped build this fence
Specifically, Private Fishing and Private Property.
I met a guy in Egypt who said I could buy a monument for $600.
But it turned out it was a pyramid scheme.
Said the hat to the scarf, “You hang around, I’ll go on ahead.”
I expected that my chimney would be free because it was on the house, but actually, it was through the roof.
I always hoped to become a Gregorian Monk but I never got the chants.
Not all of your body dies at the same time
Your eyes are the last to go. You see, your pupils die late.
I don’t like lightning. It’s too flashy.
TIL protons have mass. I didn’t even know they were catholic.
Just when you think food cannot make phone calls. Boom! Onion rings.
Humpty has lost his hat
The last I heard, Humpty dumped his hat on the wall.
Q. What’s blue and smells like red paint?
A. Blue paint