Usually, I only sing when reversing.
I’m more of a backup singer.
Category: Dad Jokes
Eggs
Here is an egg joke for Open Mentions that my smart home device just told me:
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? Because if they do, they crack each other up.
Why is it getting harder to buy advent calenders?
Because their days are numbered.
Hooked?
Was Captain Hook’s hook from the second-hand shop?
New laptop
This Christmas, I got a new laptop for my boyfriend.
All things considered, that was a pretty good trade.
I had to give up my dream of starting an all chicken football team
There were just too many fowls.
Singing?
Did you know that at any given moment, the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst
Rumors of a food shortage at last year’s spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
Q. Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir?
A. He was a little horse.
I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s okay because I can stop at any time.
Witch health
What medicines do witches use on their warts?
I don’t know, but it isn’t working.
We always go to the pub when we leave the church
It’s a thirst after righteousness
I’m reading a new book:
How to Clear Leaves from Your Driveway by Ray King
Can confirm,
is a photo; not a drawing by a horse or human.
Hit me with your best chicken jokes
File this under Jokes And Puns as you give me your best chicken jokes, gags, and puns.
Dinosaur names
A dinosaur who inadvisably ate too much vindaloo – that’s a mega-sore-arse.
A dinosaur with one eye – that’s a do-you-think-he-saw-us and his dog is a do-you-think-he-saw-us rex.
If the dinosaur is deaf, you can call him anything you want; he can’t hear you.
Toes
Q. What has five toes and isn’t your foot?
A. My foot.
Did you hear about the women who retired after working all her life at the same post office?
She asked people to letter be.
Bananas
TIL humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
That makes sense to me. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Bookshelf
The Runaway Son by Wendy Go
Tombstoning by Cliff Jumper
Many Waterproof Coats In The Graveyard by Max Bygraves
Now it’s your turn for book title #Jokes
Admit it, this song is stuck in your head now…
Sweet dreams are made of cheese
Who am I to dis a brie
Travel the world and the feta cheese
Everybody’s looking for stilton
Mars with what?
So, a scientist has proposed we send semi-aquatic mammals as the first wave of colonising and terraforming Mars.
That’s otterly ridiculous.
Why do birds fly south for the winter?
It’s too far to walk.