Be careful how many corny jokes you tell.
Someone might call the crops.
Author: Matt
Do you know the connection between a cheerful brewery and a friendly rabbit?
They both might wish you a hoppy new year.
Father Christmas’ wife is Mary Christmas.
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are fighting. Vader says, “I know what you’re getting for Christmas, Luke. I felt your presents.”
For the guy who came up with the number zero, thanks for nothing
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no idea.
I have just learned that my local supermarket is out of pasta. I think they might close due to being penneless.
I started investing in stocks. Beef, chicken, and vegetables.
One day I hope to be a bouillonaire.
Them: Any plans for the new year?
Me: I going to get some new glasses.
Them: And after that?
Me: After that, we’ll see.
As you know, Santa always enters through the chimney. This is because it soots him.
The tree let out a long sigh when spring finally arrived. “What a re-leaf,” it said.
The mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
Two snowmen are talking. One says to the other, “do you smell carrots?”
Until recently, I ran a dating service for chickens. I had to give it up because I was struggling to make hens meet.
It was hard to scratch out a living with all the costs I had to shell out for which was clucked-up.
A bossy man went to the pub. He ordered everyone around.
The best Christmas present you can give is a broken drum. You just can’t beat it.
I threw a ball for my dog.
It’s a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a tuxedo.
Look out for the fastest cake in the world.
Scone!
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet. It was clogged.
What kind of bug can tell time?
A clock-roach.
I was at the zoo recently. I saw a cage with a baguette in it. I asked the zoo keeper about it and he said it was bread in captivity.
I’m sorry I am late. I was reading a book about glue and I couldn’t put it down.
I lost 25% of my roof last night – oof.