How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. The narcissist holds the lightbulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
Category: Dad Jokes
How many elderly Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change??
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One but the light bulb has to really want to change.
How many DIY enthusiasts does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.
Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one.
If Baby Groot joined the army he’d be an infant tree man
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit enter a blood donation clinic.
The nurse asks the rabbit, “What’s your blood type?”
“I’m probably a Type O,” says the rabbit.
Dude 1: hey, bro.
Dude 2: yeah, bro?
Dude 1: hand me that pamphlet?
Dude 2: brochure.
I saw some teabags on the patio. They were tannin themselves.
I saw Assam, Oolong, and Darjeeling whispering conspiratorially. I think there may be trouble brewing.
Today, the garlic powder, peppercorns, and curry all turned against me. I like my odds, though. Thyme is on my side.
So, it turns out that reading between the lines is dangerous when you’re waiting for a train.
(stolen from Milton Jones)
How does a penguin build his house?
Igloos it together.
There’s this guy, Dave who absolutely hates going to the doctor. Luckily for him, his brother Henry is a veterinarian. So anytime Dave is sick, he tells Henry and Henry will say “look I’m not a doctor but here is what I would do and the medicines I would take”. One day Dave breaks his leg so he calls up his brother and tells Henry he broke his leg. Henry is quiet for a bit and then says “Dave, I’ve got bad news”
Telling bad jokes can be bad for your eyes.
You can strain your cornea
Be careful how many corny jokes you tell.
Someone might call the crops.
Do you know the connection between a cheerful brewery and a friendly rabbit?
They both might wish you a hoppy new year.
Father Christmas’ wife is Mary Christmas.
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are fighting. Vader says, “I know what you’re getting for Christmas, Luke. I felt your presents.”
For the guy who came up with the number zero, thanks for nothing
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A. Still no idea.