Q. What does a sprinter eat before a race?
A. Nothing. They fast.
Q. What do you say if you bump into a unicorn at a party?
A. Ouch
Q. What is red and bad for your teeth?
A. A brick
Celine Dion…
Celine Dion has come out in support of farmers by removing all the consonants from her name.
What’s it called when you loose 25% of your roof?
Oof.
I’ve always wanted to convert this lighthouse into a modern home
Unfortunately, the project has been on and off again for years.
Some dad jokes I found on YouTube
Sometimes I sing in the car
Usually, I only sing when reversing.
I’m more of a backup singer.
Eggs
Here is an egg joke for Open Mentions that my smart home device just told me:
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? Because if they do, they crack each other up.
Why is it getting harder to buy advent calenders?
Because their days are numbered.
Hooked?
Was Captain Hook’s hook from the second-hand shop?
New laptop
This Christmas, I got a new laptop for my boyfriend.
All things considered, that was a pretty good trade.
Christmas pun hunting
It’s December, and that means I’m on the hunt for the best and worst Christmas cracker jokes.
I had to give up my dream of starting an all chicken football team
There were just too many fowls.
Singing?
Did you know that at any given moment, the urge to sing, “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away…
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst
Rumors of a food shortage at last year’s spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.
Q. Why couldn’t the pony sing in the choir?
A. He was a little horse.
I’m addicted to brake fluid, but it’s okay because I can stop at any time.
Witch health
What medicines do witches use on their warts?
I don’t know, but it isn’t working.
We always go to the pub when we leave the church
It’s a thirst after righteousness
I’m reading a new book:
How to Clear Leaves from Your Driveway by Ray King
Can confirm,
is a photo; not a drawing by a horse or human.